I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
