Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
