The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
