U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
