I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
