There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
