Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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