Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
