cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
