im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
