I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
