nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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