Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
