I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
