dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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