We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
