is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
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There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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