Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
