you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
