Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
