I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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