I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
