Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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