my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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