You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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