he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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