I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
