i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
