i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
