ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
