You smell like a Billy Joel song
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize