Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
