i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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