Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
