hotel room ftw
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
