He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
