Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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