I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
