Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
