I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
