I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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