i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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