You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And then he peed in my hair
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