I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
