Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
