Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
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It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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