just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How external is "for external use only"?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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