I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize