I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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