mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
