I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
