I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
