hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
