I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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