Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
