It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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