Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
