Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize