Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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