all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
