He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
