i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
