Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
