I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
