Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
