Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
