she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
