I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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