Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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