You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
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If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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