I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
