When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
